There is a large department store on this island, everyone in America knows its name. We’ve all been there too. Its huge, its sprawling, its everywhere in the States, and I used to be extremely snooty about it. I don’t shop there, I’d say. That store is what’s wrong with America. That was back when I was in New England, living the pastey-white urban lifestyle often (and rightfully) poked fun of in “Stuff White People Like,” (a truly excellent idea/blog/book: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/). A lifestyle of NPR and David Sedaris, free-trade coffee, and not owning a TV.
But back to the store. This store is the pulse, blood, and heartbeat of the island. Were this evil chain store ever to close, there would be mayhem in the streets, riots, looting, burning effigies, anarchy rule, 12 plagues, 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, earthquakes, spouting lava, monsoons, (okay, we already have the last 3 frequently, but they’d be worse) hell fury, zombies rising from the dead, civil war, hunger strikes, and cannibalism. And I would be leading it all!
Were it not for this evil chain store, my baby girl twins would be crawling naked through the jungle for lack of clothes. We would be supplementing my breastmilk with coconut milk rather than formula. They would be sucking sugarcane instead of binkies. They would sleep on the floor, for lack of a crib, wrapped in palm leaves rather than blankets. They would play with lizards and giant poisonous centipedes instead of toys. They would ride mongooses rather than bounce in their boucy chairs. Their diapers would be made of scratchy coconut husks…….
You get the picture. I will never again be snooty about big chain stores. Are they free trade? Hells no. Soul-less? Sometimes. Exploitive of cheap labor in third world countries? Youbetcha. Predatory? Often. Necessary? Absolutely. Junglemom has learned her lesson.
